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  • Writer's pictureMichael Holme

Being aloof

Automatically, people can be irritated by aloofness. It can easily look like a rejection. People tend to exist between two polls of aloofness, and the balanced middle ground. That's three positions then.

1) I'll call "top aloof" this, it's the vulnerable person who wants to hold onto their pride. They can't imagine life without it, and although it's isolating them, they do feel above others.

2) "Bottom aloof" : this is another vulnerable position, and often isolating also, but it stems more from low confidence, and/or low self esteem.

Outsiders can mix these first two up, especially in work situations. "Top aloof" don't want to seem arrogant to colleagues, because it's distasteful; whilst "bottom aloof" fear in terms of their career, if they're known to lack confidence.

3) I've repeated these words often : "balance, respect, and love". They apply here, making the third position the "balance" or middle ground, with nothing totally black or white. We're all somewhere between top and bottom aloof.

The twist to this follows: we should not assume people are a "top aloof" or a "bottom aloof", because our annoyances of someone's standoffishness, may result in a cruel treatment of them by ourselves, if we get it wrong. Yes a little humiliation is good for us all now and then, but humiliating those on their "hands and knees", can lead to psychiatry or worse. I've mentioned the "respect" aspect often, in terms of individualism, it's important. As for love; yes, but what's your definition of it?

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